Milkman's Circle for Recovery

Johnt75840

Personal Story

John’s Story

Hello, my name is John and I am an alcoholic. I really do not like "Drunkalogs" so I want only to tell you what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now.

I was the third of three children and would not of even been here had the first born lived. He died at childbirth.

I was always the smallest in any group. And always had a speech problem. The two combined for a lot of ridicule and a great inferiority complex.

I was picked on at school and grew to hate school. I had decided at a young age it wasn't’t for me, and as soon as I turned 16 I quit.

Drinking started at age 9 or 10. Can’t recall exactly, but it was at Gym class that my sister and I took. Gym was upstairs, bar was downstairs. After class we would meet our parents downstairs.

The bartender, a fellow named Pete who had had a tracheotomy and used a buzz box to speak. One night said John, tilt you head back. I did, he poured. Fleischman’s down the throat.

It burned. tasted horrible, and even smelled bad.

I loved it. I loved the fact it made me feel big. Accepted even.

From there it was the teen years before I drank again. We would be allowed to have a highball on Christmas eve as we set up the tree. Sometimes two. I always wanted more and would try to snitch my sisters if I could.

I would like to tell you that my father drank and that I think for a long time he drank alcoholically. As we never seemed to have money for extras and moved from one rental to another when we couldn't’t pay the rent.

The first time I got drunk was around 16. On Rolling Rock beer. Anyone from the Pa. NJ area knows Rolling Rock. The famous Pony bottles, (7 oz.)

Both my parents were good parents and I did not suffer any form of abuse. And until the end I do not recall much fighting or arguing between my parents.

The only time I recall is one night in March 1967, my father had been drinking and he was mad about whatever my mom had made for dinner. He got rude, called her a slut, and went in the other room.

I was 18 and was drinking regularly by then. In fact, my dad would get me a bottle of J.W. Dant when he bought his Seagram’s 7. Talk about enabling.

This one night, both of us drinking, dad pissed off at mom, me pissed off at dad for calling her a horrible name, I confronted him.

A few minutes of loud voices followed by me throwing him across the room ended the arDecember 7, 2008t the war.

A week later my father died from a massive stroke, caused by a blood clot on the brain. The doctor said he had hit his head within the last 7 to 10 days or so.

I carried this with me, not telling a soul about it for many years. My mother went to her grave not know it, nor does my sister. Nor will they. Step nine says we cannot harm others to make ourselves feel better.

A few months later, I was invited by Uncle Sam to take a walking tour of Vietnam, so I joined the Navy instead.

After Basic Training in Great Lakes, Il. In the winter, I was shipped to Little Creek, Va. to a small Auxiliary ship, where I was put in the Ship fitter’s shop. As I had some experience welding and working with metal.

In Virginia, if you are 18 you can legally drink beer. This provided me to grow in my addition and of course there was always the EM club. If you were old enough to be there you could drink whatever you wanted.

On my first cruise overseas to the Mediterranean, I learned to like Rum and coke. This became my favorite poison for the next several years.

I was during this cruise I earned the distinction for being a "Hero" Due to another persons drunkenness.

After the cruise, that ship was decommissioned and I transferred to a command in Norfolk. Which was also the home of the Navy’s 2nd class Divers school.

. I was basically on shore duty, and very able to drink almost anytime.

After 3 years in the Navy, I reenlisted for orders to school. This almost got pushed aside for I also at the time received orders to another ship.

Before I reported to that ship, I met the girl who would become my first wife. I saw her on weekends and did not drink much during those times. (Boy was she in for a surprise).

That ship took me back to the Med. For my second cruise. Booze was plentiful and cheap in most ports.

Due to the fact I reenlisted for school orders, I had to fly home from overseas. I took leave, got married and we drove from New Jersey to San Diego, Ca. for school.

After I finished that school I was sent to Philadelphia for another school. Being from that area, it was home.

I finished the school there and was transferred to Mayport, Fl. I went to Fl. The wife (very pregnant) stayed in NJ with her family.

This ship deployed to the Indian Ocean in July 1971. We were going around the southern tip of Africa, when my son was born and the wife was hospitalized for 3 weeks.

I received a message from Philadelphia Naval Hospital, requesting that I come home on emergency leave. It took 2 ½ weeks for me to get home. I got there the day before the wife and son where released.

I arrived at the hospital at 10:30 PM to see my wife and son. Needless to say, some young Navy Ensign nurse didn't’t think I needed to be there that late.

As any good drunk would, I got rather crude with this lady, and she called her supervisor.

Well armed with a message from the Commander of the hospital, a Admiral, and a bit of compassion from the head nurse, I got to see my wife and son.

Drinking to this point was not an everyday thing nor was it much of a problem. I did drink often and got drunk at times.

Then I got transferred again. (I swapped duty stations with a fellow who wanted to go overseas and the ship I was on, was going). What a deal for me. I got to stay in Fla. Moved the wife and son down there.

After about a year there I was sent to Philadelphia for Shore Duty. Back home. It was around this time I started getting drunk more and liking the wife less.

There were parties and softball games. There were other women.

2yrs later I was transferred to a Mine Sweep. A reserve ship in North Jersey. I left the wife in the apartment until we got housing at an Army base near where I was stationed.

The first trouble I got into in the Navy was here. The Co and I did not "hit it off right" from the start and I was constantly under his eye. I got drinking more and more.

Although I never was "busted" (reduced in pay grade), I stayed in trouble. Then a miracle of sorts happened.

I tore up a knee at a ships softball game (another drunken party).

I left my wife, heck the woman wouldn't’t even come to the hospital and get me after knee surgery. We divorced she remarried 10 days after the divorce was finial. Ummm makes you wonder eh?

And I wound up being transferred back to Philadelphia. To another reserve ship. (Reserve ships do not make extended deployments).

It was during the two years I was on this ship I got my first DWI. I wrecked a pickup truck.

Booze had by this time affected my performance on ship and I was put in a less than desirable position and although I did not know it then. I ruined any chance of being promoted.

I then transferred back to the "real Navy". To a aircraft carrier going through extensive overhaul.

I continued to get into trouble with alcohol. I wrecked the same pickup truck again, this time I totaled it. Telephone poles are hard. But I was "enabled" again by a cop who left me off with a reckless driving ticket instead of a DWI.

I performed my job well enough to receive a certificate of achievement when I was transferred off the carrier to shore duty in Little Creek Va. Here Booze took over.

My performance was bad, I went from being in charge of a boat repair shop to being in a metal shop to and then with 14 ½ years in the Navy, I was told that they really thought I wasn't’t needed anymore and unless I straightened out, I would not be allowed to finish my 20 years for retirement.

It was at this point I was sent to Jacksonville Fl. For rehab. I had refused to go to the rehab unit in Norfolk. But said I would "volunteer" to go to the one in Florida.

God works in strange ways.

I had built all kinds of resentments. Was full of anger, and didn't’t really want to stop drinking.

Half way through a 6 week program someone told "MY story". It got my attention.

I made it through rehab uneventfully other than that. I went back to Virginia. I even managed to stay sober (translate dry) for the next 8 months. Then I got sent to my finial duty station.

I was sent to Charleston SC. To another ship.

Outside the back gate of the base on what used to be the "strip" was a Fellowship Club.

I joined and became more active in AA. Made lots of meetings and met and married a sober gal. My second wife.

Unfortunately this gal had health problems which included seizures.

On this ship I made two extended deployments one to South America on which I was very active in AA on ship and was fortunate enough to make many meetings overseas.

The second deployment was to the Med again. During this cruise, my wife developed water on the brain and started having Grand Mal seizures. I had to fly home again.

Her health problems continued the seizures continued. And I retired from the Navy.

Finally she was found to be causing the seizures herself. This was the end of that marriage. I was 6 yrs sober at this time.

I moved from SC to Georgia where I had bought a place just after I went through rehab. I stayed there for almost a year and then moved to Texas.

I had quit going to meetings when I moved to Georgia due to no transportation of my own. But I stayed sober. (Dry again)

After a year in Texas I went to driving school and started driving trucks. I carried a big book with me and all was well.. (LOL)

Then in 1993 I started dating Geri. My 3rd wife and a super special person. I moved in with her in September 1993.

Shortly after I moved in I quit my job driving (we both drove for the same company). And I became active in the local AA group.

Geri had to learn how to deal with a sober drunk. LOL. For when I came back into AA activity I got into helping others. I got into chairing meetings. I got into AA fully.

This caused a few problems for us but fortunately we have worked through them.

Then I went back to work in 1995. Driving truck again.

I made a few meetings around the country not to many. But I had my big book and 12 & 12. And when I came home I would talk to AA friends on the phone.

Then I bought a new computer and got online.

This allowed me to make meetings online and go into chatrooms with other alkies.

I jumped on the chatroom wagon on weekends when I was home and made some good friends.

In 1998 I guess I stumbled into the WBS Al-anon room. Which had as many alcoholics as it did Al-anons.

This is where I met a lot of my online friends..

Now we all know how smart us alkies are. I came up with a brainstorm that all of us online friends should get together.

But I am going to back up just a bit.

One was a Al-anon at that point and one was a double winner. I learned a lot from all of them online and I learned that fellowship is so important.

I said I had came up with a brainstorm, I invited all of them here to my place in Texas in 1999 for a Campout.

Well not many of them came from online but it was a success anyhow. I had one couple from Wisconsin and some from the Dallas area and locals here.

The next year more showed up here. I got to meet several of my online AA friends and their families. It was a huge success.

One friend said "John, This is a Miracle in the Woods" hence the name of the campout.

I have learned from these friends how important it is to live the program. I have learned how important it is to share the program.

I have learned how important doing service work is. I have learned how important it is to be there when another alcoholic is in need and reaching out.

I have learned that John is not but a small part of a bigger and better whole.

I have seen friends suffer great loses, and I have seen the program and the fellowship from online go to their sides.

I have seen love shown to my wife who had never met or even "Chatted" with these friends when 2 online friends she did note even know sent a plant to her when she went through back surgery.

I have learned. I continue to learn.

As I said earlier, I do not like “drunk a logs” but it is necessary to tell what it was like.

Now I try to stay in the solution, not in the problem. I live the steps today in my life. I do what the big book suggest. I read the book, I fellowship with other alcoholics. I share my experience, strength, and hope with newcomers. I chair meetings, I am active in service work. I “listen” to others who are having problems, and I offer what I can. I do not judge them. I do not spread rumors about them. What is told to me in confidence stays in confidence. Today I can tell a person, I do not know the answer. Today, I know God is providing me what I “Need”. Today I am sober. Today I am Grateful. Today I am in sincerity a better person than I used to be. And I owe that to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And to people like all of you here. And to rooms like this both online and at groups around the world.

I thank you for allowing me to share me with you.

John H. Thompson
U. S. Navy Retired
In God we trust.

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