My story is a lot like others.I came from a very dysfunctional home, where being abused physically and emotionally was the norm. In my early years before my grandfather passed away, I was loved in a normal way.But when he passed away, that ended, and the unloved started.

 

I am the oldest of four, and was expected to set a good example. If the youngest two got into trouble, it was my fault for not setting a good example. So my growing up life sucked. Acceptance and love were not a part of it.But I persevered. I had finally had enough, and I ran away from home at 15, to the big streets of Toronto.

 

There I had a week of freedom  from my parents.It was short lived. The police picked me up and called my parents to come pick me up. This was not a good thing, as my parents beat me for running away.I kept running away and the end result was the same. One day they caught me and put me in the hospitals psychiatrc ward for 6 weeks observation.It was hell for me, at the age of sixteen.

 

This did not deter me from running away over and over again.At one point I was given the use of a townhouse for a month. I turned it into a drug and flophouse. Police used to visit us, but nevr did anything about it.I did many things to survive, but I survived.I did end up in jail once, .

for breaking and entering 

 

I finally decided in 1970 I needed to get away from Ontario and my parents and came out to B.C. This is where i met my husband to be. I was drinking and drugging by this time, but I was atill not happy. My parents paid our way back to Ontario to get married, so off we went back to ontario. We were there long enough to get married and then left.

 

Our trip across the country was uneventful, until we got to Kelowna, bc and then thats where my husband started doing the same things to me my dad did. I had had enough and left him.I ended b up back in Ontario, back to Toronto.Where I met up with someone  I started to live with in Oshawa , Ontario. Thats where I started doing speed . It was a vicious circle , drugs and alcohol.I was like that for over a year until we broke up.

 

In 1973 I came back to B.C. and started the vicious cycle of drugs and drinking all over again. I got into a crowd that lived to get drunk. I finally felt I belonged, that people accepted me. I became like them, sit in the bar day in and day out.Lived with one of them for a short time. I thought I had the world by the tail. I was no longer the wallflower, I was the life of the party.

 

But it did finally come to an end, for what reason, I don't know.I finally did quit drinking, on my own. I met the father of my daughter. My daughter was born April 14th 1978. Shortly after she was born I found out he was playing around on me.So that relationship ended, and he ended up with custody of her.I also had a son 2 years later, with the same end result, he was taken by the ministry.

 

I still did not drink through all this. But in 1984 I went to a bar because i was lonely, and I ended up drinking again.It lasted a week thank God.But still I did not come to A.A. My family doctor at the time was in the program, suggested I join A.A. and I did. This was in 1988, just before I took a 4 year cake.

 

It has not been an easy road for me. I have often questioned why things weren't happening for me. I finally realized I had to do the footwork. I started doing the steps and getting involved.Not sit on the sidelines. But things finally hit me when I went to treatment in 2000 . I finally realized I was an alcoholic and that my life was unmanageable. I finally did step one through three the first time I went. Then I went back a year later and di step 1 to 4. It was the best thing i ever did. When I came back, I did my 5th step, and it was like a burden was lifted off my shoulders.

 

Many things have happened in my life since then, I am now happier in my own skin, most days. I have a relationship of sorts with my children, and I have 3 grandkids I love dearly. Thjis would have never happened if I had not sobered up.I am very grateful to A.A. and the people I have met in the program.

 

I am now involved with an A.A. chat site thats a big part of my life, and I have friends all over the world. Thank you to all who have been a part of my recovery. Love you all . Joanne